Day 19- I hate Mondays

 Day 19- I hate Mondays

I woke in my own familiar bed.  Somehow, like a child I do not even remember how I got here.  There is a vague fog of a scant dinner, but no recollection of arriving back in this hell hole of boot camp, nor of being forced to cram into even closer sleeping quarters... apparently we are now expected to share a bed.  What next?

I could barely sleep with the long nosed, short legged, floppy eared little ignoramus snoring beside me.  Who does she think she is getting into MY bed? 

I spent the day trying to get some sort of response from the feline beast. It has information on how to lift off the escape vehicle provided by the feline special corps. I have been following its every move in hope I will be able to decipher the strange markings on the complex machine.  Perhaps tracking this beguiling slanty eyed beast with no eyebrows will give me some insight into how they think, and so a clue as to how the controls work.  So obviously superior and fiendishly cunning... but how do they do it?  How do they rule with out moving a single muscle?  I must find out.... it is my only hope of escape.  

I have grown so accustomed to this place I am afraid for my safety should I ever get out.  

The day was spent in recon and intel.  Doing your homework on a mission is so important to success.  

I even snuck into the favorite sleeping chamber of the sovereign feline.  I was looking for any clue that could unlock the secret to my escape.  I doubt I could keep the vehicle hidden much longer from the tattooed lady and the Alpha Male....

Urgent!  If anyone out there can fly this thing please send me an encrypted message.... you are my last hope! 

Day 18- The Weekend.... continued

Day 18- The Weekend.... continued

I couldn't believe my luck last night, as once again I was sent to bed in the big bed.... Penny, the little twit, hiding under the blankets, and Me at my post on guard to the Tattooed lady.  

My dreams were disturbed.... the strange lulling sound of the moving water, the calm- salty smelling breeze and visions of bones plagued me.  I dreamt I lived all alone in a large tower built of mortar and steel...  there were familiar things around me, my bed, my special dish, but no life.... no green grass, no little doors in doors to run in and out of, no dux, no fresh air.  My only companions were shapeless masses of pre chewed fur toys.  In this dream, I spent my time waiting by the big door, licking carpet.  Waiting, waiting waiting for what?  I seemed very afraid for my safety and no companions at - all whether they be beasts or tall ones.... I wonder what it all means?  Was it a premonition of some sort?  

Upon awakening, all was as it should be.... although I am ashamed to admit I did fall asleep at my post...  Penny was nearby,  and the tattooed lady- I quickly shook the dreams from my head,  as the tattooed one opened up the door for us to have our morning romp in the yard.  The 2 little smalls were not around, but the smell of peanut butter was very strong in the air.   

Breakfast was served this morning!  Wow weee..... but it was very unusual.... I was soooooo hungry I just wolfed it down with out even thinking.  

I was so hungry, I didn't even wait for the small brown dullard to poison check it for me.... have I lost my mind?

We were of course bundled back into the Kah... which I have now been conditioned to jump in and out of *myself* !  I am still afraid for my safety, but the tall one makes such a fuss over me... shamefully I can not resist pleasing her.... 

A boring trek ensued to some sort of general meeting.... talls and smalls and beasts of all shapes conversing and eating and swapping some sort of bags between them.  Most were there to see my eminence I am sure, as the amount of pointing and commotion from all was limitless.  You would think they had never seen a Colonel before!  I had so many belly rubs and small treats I was exhausted over it all, and when I was back in front of the Kah, I was grateful to be out of it ... what have I become?

Next stop was some sort of sweat shop.  My tattooed lady was immediately put to work.  The smell of soap and the dust in the air just made me sneeze.... another strange experience to be sure!  My clod of a companion just found a pillow and fell asleep.  I agree it was boring, but I found a better spot to rest.  One more suited to my rank.  

Then it was another endless ride in the Kah.... 

Day 17- The "Weekend"

 Day 17- The Weekend part 2

I had a very restless night in the comfort of the big bed.  My doltish companion and tattooed lady were oblivious to the discomforts of the night watch.  I was roused several times by the strange noises and rustlings of the night, and dutifully sounded the alert, only to be met with stern angry words of SHUT UP.  Gosh, I'm only doing my duty.....

Anyway, when dawn arrived, I gratefully passed the watch to the little short legged brown thing, only to find her skipping about in this new place, which was very similar to the yard I had become accustomed to, but much different and I was afraid for my safety.  

The first thing to be negotiated was the fearful squeals and laughter from two small ones.  These creatures are very unusual- built like the tall ones, but with faces and hands at the appropriate level for sniffing and licking.  They smelled like peanut butter and toast.  I soon realised that they were to be feared as much as the tall ones, as they chased me and ordered me about.  So demeaning for someone of my rank.  The little dullard delighted in these games, joining in the chasing and doing whatever they asked. Once again I am surprised at her lack of humility in these situations.  As well as the two small ones, were two new talls, they just looked at me and laughed.... one was obviously the Alpha Male in this domain, but there was no relief from him, he just laughed and pointed at me too!  Hmf. 

I ordered an inspection of the ranks... you can see the half hearted attempt to dress a straight line.  Shameful. 

The second thing to be watchful of was the giant cliff that needed to be scaled EVERY time one wanted to go into the low abode.  It was unbelievable that I, Colonel Mustard, was expected to climb this behemoth in order to be part of the pack.  Well. I just plain refused.  The tattooed lady obviously remembered my rank as she carried me up but then I was stuck there.  

the cliffs of insanity

Soon we were all bundled into a different kind of Kah.  In this one I travelled 1st class all the way, even with my own window.  

We arrived very soon at another un-known location.  This place was the strangest yet.  Vast expanse of water laying on the ground, but not like the place with the dux that I was accustomed to, this water was moving and smelled strange and wet and salty.  Moving water as far as the eye could see, and on the ground, as well as all that water, soft stuff under my feet that made it hard to run.  Not that I wanted to run, as I was afraid for my safety.  Not a tree or bush or doorway in sight.  And the wind... constantly blowing my ears back and making it hard to hear.  

As usual, the little brown imbecile started playing her ball game.  This time with one of the smalls.  Oh my god.  Why does she do it?  Why does she chase that ball and bring the darn thing back?  I tried to tell her to aloofly ignore it, as I do, but she will not listen to me.  No, I'm sure its a sickness or compulsion of some sort. I hope it's not catching. 

the little half wit playing her game, while I dutifully check the perimeter the best I can under these terrible circumstances.  

Soon, I realised that even though I was afraid for my safely, I could run as fast I wanted to for as long as I wanted to.... there was no calling for me to attend... it was a glorious feeling, free, on the lamb.  No leash, no dreaded splitter, no talls, no beasts, only the long expanse of soft stuff and moving water, with my companion at my side.  We raced up and down chasing each other to the ends of the earth it seemed. 

The freedom was short lived of course, as soon I was recalled back into service.  Gratefully the small one had stopped throwing the ball, so the brown creature once again returned to work with me on finding the perimeter. 

I wandered away from my post for a minute exploring a situation that could have been set for an ambush.  It was full of enticing smells, rotting things and fresh water.  

Ignoring my personal safety, I checked it out

Some of it smelled good enough to eat.  I was sooooo hungry.  Was it good?  No!

proof that not everything is edible.... 

The water retreated before me... recognising my superior rank.  I turned my back for a second and the water mounted an unexpected salvo!    It was only by virtue of my advanced training and superior reflexes was I able to escape.  

Day 16- The Great Escape

Day 16- The day started like any other since I've been here, the monotonous routine was getting me down.  I was forced to lick the carpet over and over again just to remind myself of the taste of home.  Alas,  the taste and smell was completely different from the carpet I grew up on..... then suddenly, with no explanation, all my belongings were being packed up.... I was afraid for my safety....was this the end?  

But wait?  What was this?  The feline corp had delivered it's escape plan at last!  The clever feline beasts led by the cunning and sly Batu had managed to secure me a vehicle of some sort.   

the vehicle with strange symbols on it

I gave it a thorough sniffing over, and sent the little elongated dullard in to investigate things.  

She came out unscathed, and so it was up to me.... I was sad to say good-by to the only companion I had had for so many endless days, but it was my only hope of escape!  

I didn't have the heart to tell her there was no room for her in my escape plan...but from the look in her eye I could tell she understood

I followed the pre-flight check list the best I could, but as the controls were designed for paws, and the strange markings were in feline, there was little I could do but press them all at random.  I think the motor was damaged in transport, as nothing I did would get me off the ground.  The local sleeper cell kitty that was a double agent was no help at all.  She just stared at me with those slanty green eyes. I knew I should not have trusted that darn cat!  Maybe with further study I can work it out.  I have hidden the vehicle the best I could.... I am sure the tattooed lady does not know of it's existence.  She put my belongings into the "kah" with out so much as a "by your leave"  and before I knew it, we were speeding along once again.  I took some comfort in Penny by my side.  This turned out to be the longest confinement yet.  Would it never end?  I was afraid for my safety.  

I was so exhausted when I woke up I did not know where we were!  It was dark, and smelled all fresh and salty airish....I could smell small ones, nearby foul critters, grass and other vaguely familiar scents.  I was afraid for my safety in this strange environment, but the little dullard seemed to know this place.  She called it "the weekend" and pranced around sniffing and wagging all over the place.   We were given our paltry meal and put to bed.  But in the big bed!  Wow!  I got to sleep in the comfort appropriate to my rank- about time too!  I took my station at the foot of the tattooed lady to keep watch, while the small brown one did a strange thing and burrowed under the blankets.  Weird huh?  

Day 15- time has no meaning

Day 15-  Time has no meaning here... Rank has no meaning here....I have lost track of any sense of the days.  How long have I been in this place?  What is happening to me? Who are these tall ones?  Why am I here? What is the meaning of it all?  

The only one here with any sense at all is the little elongated one, who had become my friend. She is still a very stupid little bitch, but without her, I'm sure I would have lost my mind.  The confusing journeys in the "kah", the strange and yet scarey-marvelous places we visit, the relentless repetition of words from the tall ones, the aloof member of the feline corps- she takes it all in her stride, and even seems to enjoy it!  In all things she is my superior, and so I have learned to look to her for guidance and direction.  The thought of escape recedes further out of my mind, as I adapt to this new and upside down environment.  Batu, my friend, where are you with this rescue plan you promised? I don't think I can keep it together much longer.... hurry.....hurry......

Unceremoniously plopped into the Kah... where is Penny?   Oh no!  The talls have forgotten her.... I'm afraid for my safety!  

A strange sense of deja-vu.... is this a cafe like I used to visit?  Drats!  No pup-cakes.... we must be somewhere else. The large beast with the beady eyes and gallons of drool is here.... Where is my Penny to protect me?     

This place is exciting despite the dreaded splitter.  I have grown to love/hate that thing.  It keeps Penny and I together, so I feel safe.... but it keeps Penny and I together, so I get dragged everywhere without so much as a "by your leave Colonel"
  Many talls bowing and petting, they seem to recognise my rank here... There are many furry beasts of all sizes here too... of course we have to partake in the sniffing of the butts ritual, but Penny tires of this game and turns up her nose at them, so - do I.  

  

Visits to this place are often daily.  I no longer fear for my safety, even with out my leash! And the dux are funny foul creatures that smell unusual, and they seem float on the water.  Their poop tastes good though, I love to sniff it out.   

This was a strange and marvellous thing!  It was  smelly, and crispy at first, but become soft and chewy after licking.  I  just loved it!  My little dullard friend got one too, and she finished hers first and then tried to steal mine!  Ha! As if she had a chance. 

This is my favourite thing here... I try to hide it everyday, but  somehow Penny always knows where I have it stashed and she takes it for herself.  Its a great game.  I run all around with this, taunting her to catch me with it.  She can't catch me, her legs are just too short, and I think my speed has improved.  This thing stands up to really hard chewing and licking and lasts a long time.  It's not as good as food mind you, but it takes my mind off how hungry I am.  

Day 8- Boot Camp Boot Camp

Day 8:  I am getting used to waking up with my bunkmate now.... having my own bed to sleep in is a far distant memory...  and I actually like running out the little door now into the yard and smelling the fresh morning air.... this morning I was so excited I gave a little bark as I chased the birds... what fun!

The fun was short lived however.... as we were once again forced into the "Kah".  I really hate this contraption.  You never know when you will be forced to enter it, or to what new torture you will be subjected to on your exit from it. I was now so eager to exit this confinement I was easily jumping out myself... no more waiting to be carried - those days are also a distant memory.  

This time we arrived at another low abode, a funny little place, with a strange furry beast living in it and a tall person called Auntie N.  At first I was afraid for my safety, as the furry beast bounded up, it was so fluffy I could barely see it's beady little black eyes, and it had strange ears that went up!  I think it must be a deformity of some sort. Then, I had to suffer the humiliation of the whole sniffing of the butt ritual these folk practice. 

here we go again.... 

But after that the furry thing was very reverent, obviously alerted to my Colonial status, as it maintained a respectful distance.   About time I got some respect around here!  

Penny seemed very familiar with this place and gave me a grand tour.  I am pretty sure this place is a boot camp for training new recruits.  They obviously brought me here for my superior first hand knowledge of such things.  

First there were some strange foul beasts that roamed on 2 feet... these were not like the "dux" at the water place, but some sort of new breed. There purpose was not made clear to me at this time.   I was sent in to inspect them, but they were not up to formal military dress standards... a very disappointing turnout indeed.  

silly foul creatures don't know the meaning of inspection 

Next there was a bouncy exercise area for the trainees.  There was fence all around so there was no escape.  Very high tech it was.... the bouncy surface was sure to increase fitness levels for the new corps.  

the gym

Next stop was the barracks.  Well, I was not too impressed here.... the sleeping quarters were even worse than my own... with 3 to a bed.  I don't know how anyone gets any sleep at all... I pushed the furry one out to see if it was more comfortable for 2

very old and uncomfortable bunks in this place.  i will recommend an upgrade in my report. 

I was hoping that was our last stop, and we would visit the mess tent, as I was very hungry!  but no, Penny led on to the newly installed agility course.  This is for advanced troop training.  I was afraid for my safety, but could not let the little one see my distress so I braved the equipment.  

the little sausage supervising my descent. 

Finally!  The mess.  Alas.... it was empty.  Only the tantalising smell remaining of the morning meal, and the empty chairs and tables of the company serving as a reminder that my own dinner was several hours off.... 

Day 7 -

Day 7 - Has it only been a week??????

The day started out well, until, just after lunch, I was whisked away once more in the dreaded   "Kah". The long legged monster from my nightmares was encapsulated with us in the vehicle - its great hulking mass nearly crushed me several times as the tattooed lady steered the vessel. I feared for my safety! Before long, we arrived at an expanse of open space, so absolutely enormous, it made my head spin! I had never experienced any space like this before - it was unnatural! I was just feeling comfortable with negotiating "the yard", and now ......this!!!!! This was so enormous - as far as the eye could see, not a fence in sight, not a building , no sidewalks, not a single retail outlet..... eeewwww ... my stomach turned with trepidation. I feared for my safety! I stared out at the vast greenness and tried to whisper to my companions NOT to follow the tall ones, but alas, we were bound, once again, by the dreaded splitter. Even the giant beast "Truffle" was tethered - these tall ones are truly diabolical.

First we were forced to watch the tall ones eat, without a skerrick of food for us. I was so hungry - I'm always sooooo veeeerrrryyyyy hungry!!!!!! I found a stick - and yes - I am ashamed to admit - I ate it. Oh the humiliation of it all! 

My humiliating meal - oh the shame of it all!!!

Then, Penny, and the monster played that idiotic game of "ball" where they chase the ball, and bring it back, they chase the ball, and bring it back ...... I was sooooooo bored! I just sat and watched. WHY do they do this??? Why????  

The game works like this: Penny chases the ball, Truffle chases Penny, Penny brings the ball back,  repeat ....

After a while I realised, that this was a place where other cruel captors brought their prisoners to humiliate them in the open with games like "ball" and "stick" and "romp" - Oh MY GOD! They tried to sniff my butt! I feared for my safety, but I soldiered on, all  the while plotting another escape attempt. I was almost on the brink of freedom, when I realised I was attached to a great lanyard - where did this come from??? - stretching for miles it seemed. Cruelly, although my captors seemed to be far away, they were still firmly attached to me by this line! Drat! Another escape attempt thwarted.

Drat! I almost made it into the undergrowth!

I barked the command to the great buffoon, Truffle, to subdue the tall ones with a weapon it had found in the undergrowth. It seemed like I was getting somewhere now, the troops seemed to rally and both beasts ran towards the tall ones. Truffle made a vain attempt to beat one of them, but its efforts were greeted with laughter and derision. They stood around and taunted us with repeated words like "good girl" and "come" - they shout these ridiculous words to us all day long!

Truffle's futile attempt at subduing the enemy

To cap things off, they once again made us clamber up another great precipice. I could tell Penny was struggling - but my resolve is strong - I will survive - even in the face of this terrible torture they laughingly call the "dog park". We drag our weary bodies back to the "kah" only to be shackled together once more, for another harrowing ride back to the low abode. I did, however, manage to jump out of the vehicle myself, this time. There was no Alpha Male around to lift me, and the tall ones seemed to ignore my whining orders. Rank means nothing to these imbeciles!

The enormous hill - Penny even had to carry her own ball

Just when I thought that things could not get more horrific, I arrived back at the low abode just in time to witness a shocking sight. The wanton destruction of what appeared to be the tattered, broken body of a previous boot camp enlistee. The giant buffoon, Truffle, dragged its lifeless body around the low abode, tossing it into the air as if it were a toy! And to my horror, Penny joined in - they have truly been tortured to within the very brink of their sanity! Please, be aware, the image I am about to show is graphic in nature - not for the faint hearted.

All that remains of a previous boot camp enlistee - ooooh the humanity!

Mother, Father, please know that as I write this blog, I am thinking of you, and the thought of returning home from active service keeps me .......  what..... WHATTT!!!!....

WAIT! WHO PUT THAT IMAGE IN HERE!!!! I did NOT, I repeat I DID NOT, I NEVER..... NO , I never SNUGGLED with that Tattooed woman!!!! Who put that photo in here!!!???? 

Goodnight all!

Day 6

Day 6:  I once again had many strange dreams last night.  It was the large monster with long legs and all that slobber this time.  Every time I shut my eyes, there it was.... staring staring.  I whimpered in fear, but it was still there.... is there no relief from this nightmarish existence?  Even in my dreams I afraid for my safety. Staring with it's large beady eyes.... staring

the staring eyes

When I awoke, and the nightmare was replaced with reality, I was no better off, as I was still here in this strange boot camp.  The hunger was really getting to me, but all I was offered for breakfast was a strange orange stick to chew on.  What new torture was this?  I licked it tentatively, and watched what the little dullard did, although I still don't trust her - because of her brainwashed state, but she is serving as my poison checker.  Unbelievably, not only did she eat this strange thing, but she seemed to even like it! So, fearing for my safety, I took a tentative nibble.  It was good!  It was crunchy and somewhat delicious.  Before I knew it, I was licking the floor to get every last shred of the stuff.  It was so demeaning, licking the floor, but I could not help myself. 

Soon after, the bossy tattooed lady left me! Will this be my opportunity to escape? ....

Alas, no..I should have known, the Alpha Male was still here.  I liked him.. he made me feel safer somehow.  I knew with the Alpha Male I wouldn't have to fear for my safety...he would pick me up and look after me, as befits my rank of Colonel.  I was so happy and then he attached my leash.  Walkies?  Were we going for walkies?  Yes yes, we headed out the door!  But no!  Not the dreaded and most hated splitter.... betrayed!  Attached once more to the little weiner she bolted like a streak out the door, nearly pulling me off my feet!   I had to scramble to keep up with her.....   we headed down the road, and then we arrived at the place with the water on the ground.  I feared for my safety when Penny did not slacken the pace.... she headed right for the water.  I dug in my feet, and was finally able to bring her to a halt.  I rolled over for the Alpha Male, a sure sign gesture for him to lift me to my proper station, but he just laughed at me and told me to get up!  Traitor!  The elongated little bitch also ignored me, and started just to pull me along, on my back mind you.  How humiliating.  I had no option but to return to my sore feet and endure.  The death march now continued on past the "Dux" who turned their backs to me.... even they shun my presence.  Past this place and on and on and on at at breakneck speed, my little legs had never moved so fast.. I really thought the end was near.  We took a long and circuitous route... even though I hated that splitter, I was glad to have it on, as without it I was sure to be lost.  Even in my tortured state, I know that "lost"  is worse than any boot camp or confinement.  Eventually, after hours it seemed, I smelled the smell of the low abode.  Penny and I raced for home, who would be first?  Even the Alpha Male had trouble keeping up with us!  Once again, even though I was tired and my feet were sore, there was some small pleasure in the wind in my face and my ears flapping behind me.  

chewey rewards...after a gruelling march.

I am starting to doubt myself here... in this place.  I am not so sure of the flat faced furry beast I encountered yesterday.  I thought at the time it was a captive like me...tortured and incarcerated in solitary confinement...  but today I witnessed something odd.  It seems that the tattooed lady and the Alpha Male are serving IT- it is not a captive at all, but the leader of the gang!  They open doors for it, and carry it everywhere.  At its strange commanding voice it is given food whenever it demands it, and it eats out of a bowl set upon a high pedestal. When it enters the room, a hush is felt, and we must remain seated while it haughtily passes.  I sometimes whine when it is in the room, in honour of such incredible control.  

Other things are confusing me as well, I must keep shaking my head to remember who I am... I am the Colonel!  I am the Colonel! I am not some poor beast to be ordered around at anyones beck and call.  I can pee where I want, poop when I want and I am used to having my meals when I want.  I sleep in a bed, not in shared sleeping quarters with beastly lower ranking pleebs!   I am not one to obey, to blindly follow, to kiss-ass..... yet, when I do succumb to these beastly directives,  great fuss is made of me, and cheese is presented. I do like cheese.  

I am also finding the little dullard to be a little .... cute.  The brainwashing must be getting to me!  Have I become so used to her face during this incarceration that I am starting to like it?  Today she played a game with me!  Just us.... imagine, me.... playing a game!  First I frolic outside, then I'm playing???  What is happening to me?   The game goes like this:  1st I chase her.... she hides.  Then she pounces out, and chases me!  Then I hide.... I like to hide under the clothes rack, silently waiting for her to turn her back.... then quick!  Run run run.... she chases me!  Who knew this could be fun!  I wonder what we are going to play tomorrow? 

DAY 5- My dreams were full of strange images last night, open vistas, and nightmarish creatures.  1st I dreamt I was at an incredibly windy place where I was carried up a huge precipice and forced to endure the smell of food, while none dropped to me. 

In my dream the little dullard gets to dine at the table

it was so real, my dream, I could smell the food, but none for me.... 

 

Then I was on a huge precipice, where my tiny feet could barely find purchase, and no one to carry me!  I feared for my safety!

The nightmare would not end, it seemed to go on for ever and ever, with ever increasing layers of humiliations.  In my imagination I dreamed up a new form of torture called "the splitter"  it keeps you chained to your fellow convict, you have to go where ever they go, no matter how fast.  Imagine that.... hahaha 

this could only be a figment of my imagination.....

I awoke!  Thank goodness it was only a dream!  But wait!  Whats this?  Oh....no..... it was not a dream, the small elongated creature with short legs was snoring beside me.... drat.  I wished I was home in my own cozy bed.  Must be brave today.... 

I come to the sickening realisation that the tattooed lady is trying to brainwash me.  I fear for my safety.  She uses strange words and gestures repeated over and over and over again.  Even though there is a tasty treat in her hand, I remain resolute.  I have no idea what she wants, but she is not forcing any command secrets from me!  I'm the Colonel!  Penny has succumbed to this strange manipulation going through a whole routine of crazy antics just to get at that little crumb of food.  I don't know how long the poor beast has been here, but her will is broken.  She is so eager to please her captors, I don't get it.  

I have also made a discovery that they hide a terrible secret- there is yet another prisoner here -locked in solitary confinement!  The horrors never end!   I thought I had smelled something "other" and used my high levels of intelligence to investigate.  This wild creature is hideously deformed, with long legs, tiny feet, a tiny nose, slanty eyes, and big sharp teeth.  It is covered with the nastiest looking long hair I have ever seen or imagined, it is so long, you can barely see it's small flat face.  It rarely sees the light of day.  I have tried to communicate with it, but it can only utter "mew mewww meeww" and a terribly frightening hissing spitting sound.  When I saw it for the first time I feared for my safety!  It may all be a clever ploy on it's part, or perhaps it is truly mad.  I may never know.  

Strangely, and I can't believe I'm even saying this, I am starting to enjoy the daily freedom of "the yard" - for that is what they call this big expanse of green stuff through the little door in the door.  I even snuck out on my own once today!  Imagine - me- outside with out a leash- on my very own.  All alone.  Wow.  I must be brave.  I barely notice the steel monster changing down anymore.  I found myself just running today.... running!  The soft green stuff beneath my feet, my ears flapping in the wind and plenty of bushes to hide behind and pounce out at the unsuspecting Penny.  I don't know what came over me, too much fresh air, hunger, or a manic episode of some sort.  I hope it does not come over me again, any time soon.  Turns out the tattooed lady was watching and I think laughing... it was a bit embarrassing.  

The nonsense with the gestures and repeated words goes on... this time though the warden lady tricked me by using cheese.  Oh my god..... cheese..... it makes me drool just thinking about it. Have you tried this stuff?  I think it may be habit forming, so try to avoid it if you can.  Anyway seems she is trying to get me to "sit" for some reason- but hey it's cheese.  I can see her ploy is starting to work..... I even had to "sit" before she would give me my meagre meal... it was my intention to stay strong and prolong the hunger strike, but I was soooo hungry!  Oh! and guess what?  FRESH MEAT!  I thought I had been tricked enough with the cheese, but fresh meat?  What sort of a boot camp is this anyway?  I really must plot my escape before I succumb and loose my mind.